In the now.

Today.
I read the diary words from my past and I understand them all.
I recognise myself.

Older. More experienced. Still alive. But again Bulimic.

I see the spiralling. I see that the purging brought out words that had no voice.
I had so many words within me that I could not speak.

I still have those same words.
But now I can write them. I work with words. I understand the power behind words.

People talk of triggers.
My bulimia was triggered by a film, but the reasoning behind it was buried deep within me.

Abuse. Bullying. Self harm. Promiscuity.
I spiralled. I let things happen to me. I did things to myself.
I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to be numb.

Bulimia made me numb. It was a distraction of sorts.
But I became ill. Too ill.

And now.
Well now my bulimia is covering me again.

I have been bulimic again for 4 years.

I am ill.