Recognising Limits.

Yesterday I returned from a family holiday. A week in the sunshine with my husband and children.

Before going I was in a panic. Food.
How would I manage a lunchtime meal when we were out for the day? How would I find a toilet? How would I find energy?

Panic.Panic.

I stamped my feet. I began to worry. My sleep was anxious.
But it was ok. I survived.
The heat warmed me. The sun on my body. My skin changed colour. My confidence grew.
I was able to nibble for lunch.
I knew my limits. I managed my limits.
I didn't need to find a toilet.
I had energy.

I went a week being sick once a day. Once after my evening meal.
I came home. I have lost weight.

I thought that I’d be able to continue the routine here. But I was naïve.

Today was my first attempt.
I couldn’t.
I couldn’t measure my limit.

Today I have been sick twice.
I feel that I have failed.

I really don’t know how to manage my eating. Here. Now. I have a routine.

I need to look at how and why I eat.
It is so hard.

I feel tired.